Those days with him by my side. . .



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Meeting up with ***** later on this evening for dinner. [S"he"] isnt the sort of people you guys would want to mess with. I remember meeting her the first time when i was teaching at Newton Primary school where "she" was at that time taking classes there too. "She" is one who no doubt be nicknamed "Chao Bin Charbo". Her charcoal face together with the cold exterior makes one hard to approach her. She is not the one you want to spend another minute staying by her side. I remember her walking straight out of the class/art room after teaching, not for a moment to pause and smile, to try to strike up a conversation. "She" basically do not give a damm to anyone and just get her stuffs done and leave the school. Subsequent time of meeting her would be next at the school in Tampiness as well as woodland. Maybe i was itching for a stare, or a sacrastic remark from her but to my surprise she was actually quite ALRIGHT- at least to me. I do admire her sort of direct as well as frankness character. It just seem so natural and comfortable talking to her. "She" 35 this year? I remember she's just a year or two younger than Tianli. Oh well, i guess both tianli and ***** has got quite a similar attitude towards things, though they're complete strangers[which this is not my point], but they both have got strong characters. Till this day, I still find it surprising as to how we are able to talk and gradually become friends- [more than just the shallow type of friendship]. Meet up for coffee, Visiting Art Biennales, so on and so forth. Even when i am in Australia, those msn chats were fabulous and warm. "She" recently offered me a teaching project with schools but oh well, its a bad timing which i have to turn it down but seriously, i would love to take up the project and work together with her. It was quite an enjoyable time being a facilitator with her once at the Pasir ris sports centre and then a meal after a tiring day.

"She" has been hinting to me about her sexuality ever since we become closer- as in friends, talking term. But well, i dont deny i might have suspected it, but then again, so long as one day there isnt a confirmation, there still is a doubt isnt it? so i waited and waited silently till the day she is all ready and feeling all comfortable to tell me truthfully about her sexuality. I am glad and appreciative for her to take such a big step in coming forward to tell me things. Trust me, I have seen many of such cases whereby surronding people/friends are very sensative towards their own sexuality and find it hard to come forward and face it. Of course, its the worries of not being able to accept them for who they are, but thats society, thats what the enviroment/people are being mould into. I am dishearten to know that sometimes people do actually take advantage of them as well as denying them of their rights. And believe me, you guys out there, such people are actually much much more vulnerable than any of us! They do not open up easily, and when they do, they'll get hurt badly. "She" recently fallen for this girl and is having a hard time, however, it is not easy for the other party to accept her sexuality which is the root of the problem. True Friends doesn't mind what you are but who you truely is. And should they do, such friends aint worthy of your time and effort in keeping the friendship going.

Anyway, we have been chatting and i am apologetic to make her wait so long before meeting her ever since i was back. Apparently, i am having my first reunion dinner next sunday with my relative over at my place. After which on the eve, both alvin and i have got to run 2 places, one of which is his mum side as well as the other his dad side of relatives for reunion dinner. its very predictable and the same old routine for every chinese new year. But im not sick of it. Its a time for all of us to have a break, sit down together and talk "rubbish"? hahaah!!!! oh well, im looking forward towards the whole chinese new year thingy. :D


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Been browsing at the NAC grants and bursaries. It only deem fit to apply if only one is intending to exhibit his/her work. Overseas collaborative work sounds good to me. However, a proposed work have got to be submitted before the dateline. An interview will be arrange 3-4mnths down the road. After which, successful applicant would get the letter of offer. Amount would either be issued in one lump sum or in disbursement mode of quaterly payment.

At this point of time, i dont not think its an appropreiate timing for it. However, i would still love to give it a try, say probably mid 2010. I have plans going on in my head as to how to approach the next year in my arts journey, but not to deny, its still mushy, am goanna have to spend more time sitting on it and resolve issues and know clearly whats my take/ my route for the next year.

Every step my partner is taking towards achieving the goal of undertaking his master in arts/visual arts, a 2yrs course is getting nearer. Full sponsorship of his education is confirm. However, when he was socialing with one of the assessor from the panel over a mahjong game, he was told that this is really a bad time to do education esp in Australia. Should he do it in the states, it would very much be the same. And furthermore, the art scene in the states are much more flourished. But i am glad that his head of department is pushing really hard for this application and making it possible for him to undertake his mastersand of course, he knows that i am in Australia too, which makes up part of the reason as to why my partner chose to come to Australia instead of the states. I am glad that his head is very supportive and i can see my partner's effort to push all boundaries and making it all possible. To be frank, should it not because of me, i know he would very much love to go the the Univerisity of Alfred, New York.

Looking back at the times as to how we met, knew each other more and more as time goes by, falling deeply in love, breaking one anothers' heart, all these are things a couple go through in their love journey and it will come a stage whereby one another has become an important part of each others' life. Maybe its due to me having too much time on hand that i have been recently reflecting about this man who had been walking 3yrs (coming soon) of the journey with me and felt really heart warming and secure. I can almost feel as if he makes me whole which i dont think i can use any words to descibe such a feeling. And of course, I hve very much regretted saying hurtful words, doing things that breaks his heart, shutting him off, and thinking only all about what i want, how i feel, why is he......why cant he.... but never much more of what i can do for him, how i can go all the way out for him, be the one behind him who just give and support him silently. Had a huge row with him previous day which hurts really much but then again, after all these, the relationship strenghtens again, much deeper and more understanding as well as forgiving. I guess i will just have to take baby steps and do something about my attitude about things. Oh well, its really important to let the other partner knows how much you love him/her and just by saying just the simple 3 letter words to him/her every morning before he/she goes off to work really do make a different. Words of love is one key factor of love signs and i do very much appreciate him giving me the small little peck on my face every morning before he goes off for work, though im always half asleep still. But trust me, its really amazing, the moment you wakes up, the sweet feelings still lingers and the day will just be great.



Another word that is hard but everyone should learn would be contentment. Its always greener on the other side, no doubt about it. But do remember, the one who sleeps by your side every night, who wakes up facing you every morning, who goes through the roughest and toughest time in your life, who shares your joy and sorrow,who is able to make you laugh really hard and pains really badly, who commits and is responsible for you is the one who truely is goanna care and be there for you in time of trial.


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Internet is finally up!


Its going to be another few days of lazing and rotting at home before seeing all the naughty kids on weekend. Been running errands and doing household chores ever since i'ved moved in. I just cant understand why all these cleaning and buying of things doesnt seem to end. It almost seems like never ending chores!!!

My dog has been whining every single day since we've moved in. He wakes me up every morning with his barking too! But well, at least i have him to play with during the day which makes the time passes by fast. He loves going down to the park for "a"(actually many) walk(s) which i really dread doing so especially in the afternoon. Its so warm out there, but he just so love the sun! I've recently found many tiny red spots appearing especially on my arms which i was told that it was due to me being exposed to too much strong sunlight. It will first start out as very tiny red spot, and if one doesnt take care it will turn dark due to the increasing of age. . .

Anyway, Alvin been nagging me to take More care and to put in More effort in taking care of my skin! He never fails to come home every single night and ask me- [ Darling, Did you apply moisturiser today?]..[somehow along that line, its just that he phrases it differently though~] Apparently, it takes alot of effort, paitence, understanding as well as communication when two different sets of people come together and stay under one roof. Previously, we both do put up at one anothers place occasionally, however, this time round, he has been staying put with me ever since we shifted into the new flat. He recently was given a 20k YOG (youth olympic game) project which really eats up all his time. He's given all his time and energy to this project. He's home late and tired out every single day. He goes back to school even on weekends too. We'll we just had a unpleasent chat on bed before zoning out last night. I was grumbling and stuffs which, of course, i do know its my fault. However, most of the time, women just Love grumbling! There is no reason why, but we just love to do so! [ok, maybe because we have got too much time on hand] But all we want is not to make the other partner upset of fustrated but except that they would just shower a little bit more care and time unto us. I really do hope to get to spent much more quality time with my partner together outside of bedtime before heading back to canberra. Alright, my the other half would most prob be seeing this entry post which i really do hope he'll do so. But i dont deny you do put in effort to go for a walk down in the park with me, pick me up from work, have dinner with me. But all these things we've done together is not much that i can even used my 10fingers to count it. He was upset and said:[ Darling, why am i working so hard? Its for us! Dont you know] and of course, i do agree with him that we cant only survive on love and do not have bread, but oh well, its just...............me, myself and melinda. I'll just have got to be much much much more understanding. I dont need you to be home at a certain timing. i dont need you to spend every single day with me. All i want is ONE[1] day on the weekend to walk down the streets aimlessly talking about everything and anything under the sun, One day that belongs to me solely and nothing else, one day for you to be able to shower me with all your time and energy.

There is nothing wrong as to how we are now,but deep down, i do hope things might change a little- somehow? And dear all, dont get it wrong, both my partner and me are getting on fine, its just that i have all these small little grumbles and fustrations which i hope will go away soon.

Wow, looking back at this entry post, it seems like i've been going on ranting for quite a while. Am goanna stop here and go to bed! Rest well to you guys! Have a wonderful day ahead

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Fine tunning still. . .

It takes time. . .

























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